In just about 4 weeks, I will turn 41. That, coupled with marathon episodes of "Untold Stories of the ER" has me feeling a twinge of melancholy. Have I completely and totally missed out on the time for trying to accomplish all my hopes and dreams? Are they really even practical anymore, no matter how they pull at my heart and soul? For example, life has completely derailed me from the track i was on to finish my Bachelor's Degree with the intent to follow the RN to PA/APN to possibly MD journey. Where am I know? In charge of all things insurance for a single practice ophthalmology office. i love my current job, but must honestly admit that i feel a bit of a failure. I don't have a degree, I'm not an RN, nowhere near an MD. I've always enjoyed both the poem and the lesson Robert Frost shared in "The Road Not Taken," but i also thought id be a little more in control of the navigation on that road. Instead, i feel floundery -- i know, without question, that i am good at my job and a valuable resource for the office, but there is still that part of me that wonders: "is this the BEST you can do? Is it what you are supposed to be doing? Where you're supposed to be?" I can state with absolute certainty that the feelings of floundering are directly proportional to my feelings of failure. The worst part of it is that I don't know how to reconcile it all back to a place where I'm okay, and the woulda/coulda/shoulda's don't matter.
Until I figure that out, I guess I'm stuck with life in the world of not good enough.
Anybody got the map out?
